Why Does Everything Seem So Much Harder After Becoming a Mom?
Motherhood is often portrayed as a magical, fulfilling experience—and while it certainly can be, many new moms find themselves wondering why it feels so much harder than they expected. The reality is, no matter how prepared we are for the responsibility of raising a child, we’re often unprepared for the changes it brings to our relationships, routines, and sense of self.
Here’s what I wish expectant mothers were told about the challenges of motherhood:
1. Perfection Is No Longer Possible—And That’s Okay
For high-achieving women who have always strived for perfection, the unpredictability of babies and young children can feel overwhelming. Many of us are used to managing every aspect of our lives, and the sudden loss of control can feel disorienting. But here's the truth: perfection isn't possible in motherhood, and that’s perfectly fine. Learning to let go and embrace the chaos can bring more peace than constantly striving for control.
Tip: Focus on progress, not perfection. Celebrate the small wins—getting through a tough day, finding a few minutes for yourself, or simply keeping everyone fed and safe.
2. Relationship Differences Become More Apparent
For couples who have previously looked past their differences, parenting can shine a spotlight on those issues. Raising a child is the ultimate group project, and it can feel jarring when challenges in your relationship suddenly seem impossible to ignore. Communication and teamwork are key to navigating these new dynamics.
Tip: Schedule time for open, honest conversations with your partner. It’s important to acknowledge challenges and find ways to work together as a team.
3. Finding Time for Yourself Becomes Harder
If you had stress-management activities or routines before becoming a mom, it’s hard to adjust to how much effort is now required to carve out personal time. While it's not impossible to prioritize self-care, it certainly takes more thought and planning than it used to.
Tip: Start with small, achievable moments of self-care. Even if it's just a 10-minute walk or a few minutes of deep breathing, prioritizing small breaks can make a difference.
4. Needing Support Can Be Overwhelming
For independent women who are used to handling things on their own, motherhood brings the challenge of asking for and accepting help. It can be difficult to transition to needing support, especially for those who may not have strong support systems in place. The grief of not having help or the overwhelming need for it can weigh heavily.
Tip: Don’t be afraid to lean on others. Whether it’s a partner, friend, or professional, asking for help is not a sign of weakness—it's essential for maintaining your well-being.
5. Emotional Wounds Resurface
Many women enter motherhood carrying their own emotional wounds or past traumas. Motherhood has a way of bringing these unresolved feelings to the surface, challenging us in unexpected ways. These moments can be painful but also offer opportunities for growth and healing.
Tip: Pay attention to what’s coming up for you emotionally and seek support when needed. It’s okay to not have it all figured out.
6. Motherhood Changes Everything
Motherhood is more than just becoming a parent—it transforms every aspect of life. From your daily routine to your relationships, your identity and priorities shift. It’s normal to feel shocked by these changes, and it's important to acknowledge that no one goes through this transition unchanged.
Bonus: The Benefits of Therapy for New Moms
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the changes that motherhood brings, you’re not alone. Therapy can be a lifeline during this challenging transition. Here are a few benefits of seeking counseling as a new mom:
A Safe Space to Process Emotions: Therapy provides a judgment-free zone where you can talk openly about your experiences, fears, and frustrations.
Developing Coping Strategies: A therapist can help you build tools to manage stress, anxiety, and overwhelm, making the transition into motherhood smoother.
Navigating Relationship Changes: Counseling can help you and your partner work through challenges that arise as you navigate parenting together.
Support for Postpartum Depression and Anxiety: New moms are at risk for postpartum depression and anxiety. Therapy offers professional support to recognize and treat these conditions early.
Prioritizing Self-Care: Therapy encourages you to put yourself first, even when it feels like you’re being pulled in a million directions. It's a reminder that caring for yourself allows you to better care for your child.
Motherhood is a Beautiful, Complex Journey—You Don’t Have to Do It Alone
If you’re struggling with the changes and challenges of becoming a mother, know that support is available. You deserve a space to be heard, understood, and supported as you navigate this new chapter. Therapy can help you find balance and peace as you embrace the ups and downs of motherhood.
